Weight Loss

I am now over weight by about 90 lbs....WOW it was hard to write that on a blog that other people can actually read. So many awful thoughts come into my head as I think about this. I know that these are not the thoughts that God wants me to have so I am deciding to take these thoughts captive and give them back to him.


I have lost all of my excess weight before. I think that it was about 11 years ago. I was completely dependant on God. I would pray that he would stop me from overeating. I would ask Him every morning to walk with me on this walk. If I needed to go to the store I asked Him to come with me so I would not buy anything that I shouldn't. Then I got pregnant with my 4th. I thought that he was a girl my whole pregnancy. When he was born I was mad at God. "REALLY?!?! Four boys...UGHHHHHHH" I so desperately wanted a girl that I did not care what God's plan was. I had almost convinced my hubby that we should adopt a girl then I found out I was pregnant again. God would not give me ANOTHER boy right? WRONG. 5 boys. UGHHHH. Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE each of my boys with everything that I have and I fell in love the minute I held each of them. I just wanted a girl.

I have allowed my anger and bitterness to take over. I know that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy, sad, anger, bitter, board...you name it and I will give you a reason why I should be eating. I also binge eat and hide food(mostly candy) from my family. Why? I don't know.

About 3 months ago God changed my heart. I heard about a young boy who needs a "forever" family. Yes, I said boy. WHY.WOULD. I.CONSIDER.A.BOY??? All I can say is only God!! As I heard this child's story. I knew that he was suppose to be with us. I knew that this family could give him what he needs. Hmmmmm...ok God I get it...all boys. Is he here? No, not yet. Do we know if we will be able to call him "son" or "brother"? No not yet. But I am praying for this and trusting that God knows what is best for this young man!

As a result of this young man, I have repented of my behavior and anger. I have started to get back on track with God. I am reading the Word more and more. I am praying through everything again. I am also handing this weight thing back over to God. I have read a few GREAT books about weight loss. Loss if For Life and Made to Crave. I am made to crave... my God. If I don't fill up on him I will try to fill up on other things. For me it is food but for others it could be something different.

Lord, as I try to walk with you on this journey I just want to hold your hand. Help me to focus on you and you ways. When I fall lift me up. Be my strength and fortress!

Boys

I.LOVE.MY.BOYS!!! Last night I got to watch Wesley and Ian being friends! They were laughing together. Joking together. Just enjoying each other. Yesterday I caught a glimpse of what good friends these two boys will be as they get older. When grade levels and "being cool" don't define who they are. When they are two men of God grown with families of their own. I am not really close to my brother and sister. I want this closeness for my boys. I pray that the Lord will allow them to be friends no matter where they live in this big big world!
Thank you Jesus for these boys! Thank you for the privelage of being their mama!

REALLY???

I have not written in a VERY long time but today I just need to write. My heart is heavy, so very heavy. Here is why. I was at a friends house yesterday. She has 2 beautiful bio children and 2 beautiful children who were adopted from Uganda. I love them all so much, they are such a joy to be around (and I just get to be the fun Mrs. Stolte!) I have not been over there for awhile. I was in Michigan helping my mom and then came home and stayed in my house making costumes for my son's Theater preformance. O' wait I did mention that I made 8 costumes for the preformance. Anyway, yesterday I went to D's house and we were talking. She read an email to me and my heart shattered into 1 bazillion pieces. I am in utter shock and disbelief. A family adopted 2 boys from the same orphanage that she got her two beautiful treasures from. They came home this past Dec. and as of a few weeks ago the had relenquished all rights to those boys. 3 months people, 3 months...how do you bond in 3 months, how do you work through their issues in 3 months, how do you walk away from 2 children (they are 5 and 7 years old) in just 3 months. I don't get it!! I am trying REALLY hard not to judge, I am trying REALLY hard not to be angry!


I want these boys...I just do not know where to begin. Only God...Only God!!